It begins with a loss—of a loved one, a relationship, a loyal pet—and triggers a reaction right there and then, or when you least expect it. One day you’re fine, the next thing you know, you’re in pieces. Emotions run the gamut, from a quiet, heartbroken sadness to an intense ugly cry.
Yes, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, so much so that you don’t have to go through psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—in their exact order. “In fact, it’s perfectly all right to skip some, re-experience others, or feel things not mentioned by Dr. Ross, like shock or guilt,” says Jon Edward B. Jurilla, MD from the Department of Psychiatry of top hospital in the Philippines, Makati Medical Center (MakatiMed). “Grief is a very personal experience. No two people grieve alike.”
Well-meaning family and friends can also be divided on how long you should grieve. Some will tell you to take as much time as you need, others hope you move on sooner than later.
“Grief is a natural, human response that can be physically and emotionally gut-wrenching,” explains Dr. Jurilla. “Losing a spouse, parent, or child can feel like losing a part of you, because in reality, they were.”
The first step to healing? “Acknowledge your feelings,” Dr. Jurilla points out. “Don’t suppress them or judge yourself for crying or screaming. Allow yourself to express sadness, anger, regret, and whatever feelings that come up.”
Talk about it. “Whether with a close family member, a trusted confidant, a spiritual adviser, or a trained professional, saying your thoughts out loud can be cathartic,” says Dr. Jurilla.
Find other ways to express your grief. “You could write your thoughts down in a journal or go for long walks in nature,” Dr. Jurilla suggests. “The quiet time could give you clarity.”
Have company. “Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. You can also find comfort in support groups whose members are going through a similar experience.”
Take care of yourself. “Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Make sure you eat and get enough sleep. Allow others to look out for you too. If someone offers to take you out to lunch, buy you groceries, or drive you where you need to go, graciously accept.”
Keep the one you lost close. “Saving a picture of that person on your phone or wallet or wearing a piece of jewelry or article of clothing that belonged to them can somehow feel like they’re still around. This softens the blow of your loss.”
Remember the good times. “Recalling happy memories, funny anecdotes, and quirks that made you love this person will give you a respite from all the tears.”
Take things one day at a time. As mentioned, grieving is a natural process, and whatever you’re feeling is totally valid. “Eventually, as time passes and your sadness slowly gives way to a calm acceptance, that doesn’t mean you love the person or thing you lost any less,” says Dr. Jurilla. “It simply means that they live on in your memories and in your heart.”
For more information, please contact MakatiMed On-Call at +632.88888 999, email mmc@makatimed.net.ph, or visit www.makatimed.net.ph. Follow @IamMakatiMed on Facebook and Twitter.